OK, it took me all day to get to it but I finally read it. I'm not in theatre but I relate big time! More soon as I have so many other obligations today. Sending love in the meantime <3
Wow. How refreshing. An artist that is aware not woke! I stumbled upon this essay and I'm so pleased I did. I was raised by artists. And although they still love me, they do so at arms length now. My theater/artist family bought into most of what you write about here at the same time that I began to awaken to horror of the reality of what's been happening over the last three years. Thank you for this. You give me hope. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the kind comment. I’m just as bewildered as you regarding how the artists flipped. Although, the last week or so, I’m starting to see some public pushback. 2023 certainly will be interesting.
I am one of those that do not typical read articles from artists, rather scientists, doctors, technical experts, but your article brings me hope. It is clear that there is no particular background or education that was able to see through the fog of the propaganda from our governments, institutions and media. Have enough people learned from the past three years that what we were told from the authorities is not true, manipulative, disinformation and straight out lies to not fall for it again? I suspect most will not have wised up but we can hope. For three years I have been wondering where are the artists, this group of people that often lead the charge against corrupt governments and corporations. This time the artists were all in supporting these historically untrustworthy entities. It is like they have no recollection of the historical crimes committed by pharmaceutical companies, the lives destroyed and the billions paid in fines to their victims. You are not alone but I also am not a lot of fun to be around. It is hard to push out the thoughts and lessons learned in the past three years, the intent is not to force these on others but help protect them but mostly without success.
I have been gathering a list of artist that were brave enough to see and speak Their truth. Here is one.
Five Times August inspires me. I know of a handful of artists that speak out. A few have reached through the void in solidarity with some of us stuck in stricter scenarios. I’m in Chicago and there are venues that still “card”. So, I really appreciate this comment. I know we have been missing in action. Well, not all of us, but the general ‘we’, but I still have hope that the creatives will show the normies out of the darkness. 🙏
Bravo. this is brilliant. 'Why were you sorting people out into groups again; keeping divides alive like a zombie feeding on superiority hustlers? What better way to show your support of an equitable society than to simply participate in it without thinking you are better or worse than others?' I love this. 'Identifying' with phantom stereotypes and the non existent 'self' is the source of suffering and unhappiness. why are we encouraging children and each other to do it. Unless we want them to suffer?
Had to read this twice. Beautifully written, with deep emotional impact. And as always, the memes are Priceless. As you point out, curses often do end up being blessings in disguise. For me I've found it sometimes takes an effort to discover in what way a particular curse ended up being a blessing in disguise, but no doubt at all that it is worth putting forth that effort. As a reader I get the sense this post took a not insignificant amount of emotional-energy to write... well worth it.
Thanks, Jen. Yes, it was my purge. I had started writing it when I felt the betrayal of a close friend who gate kept me from a paid gig. I spent the last couple of months since incubating my anger and taming the essay down. In a way, I was sort of mad at myself. I felt stupid that I didn't notice how the fakery was all around me, I had condoned it... why didn't I stand up for everything that had bothered me until the covid BS came a-knocking on my door? Maybe if I had started saying things earlier when the woke juice was seeping into the fabric of our tight knit community, then maybe there wouldn't have been such a desire to control the covid mess. I don't know. Hindsight, right? But the oppressors often succeed with the help of the oppressed. And so it was in Chicago and the theatre community. I so very much appreciate the relationships built here. New community, new connections. 🤗
Many years ago, I witnessed John Malkovich storm the Broadway stage as the curtain rose on Burn This. Spit flying, hair flinging, he didn't just deliver the opening monologue; he incinerated it.
You, my new friend and compatriot, have done just the same. With scorching, courageous, take-no-prisoners honesty, you have blown the doors off the hypocritical organization I once loved enough to spend the best part of my life supporting.
Thank you for this blast of fresh air. May its authenticity and truth blow open some minds and hearts.
And THANK YOU for the shout-out to my Stack! (After I offered you my phone number, I had a moment of -- hang on, what did I just do? -- but thank god I followed my instincts. Funny, that's one of the best lessons I ever learned from the theatre.)
I'm so grateful for your voice, Tonika. You continue to inspire me to shout louder and louder, even if the spit starts flying! You're a balm and a blessing, and I'd give you a Tony if I could... xox
Go ahead and give a grown lady goosey bumps. I'd take a Mary over a Tony any day. Thank you, fellow spit flyer. "Your words put me on a plane with Caesar". And the anecdote is perfect. I've seen Malkovich live. He is fierce. May the wisdom of a thousand ghost lights light our way. 🤗
Tonika you speak here for all of us who once found comfort among the weirdos only to find ourselves standing at the end of the outstretching finger of judgement. It’s been a helluva ride. So grateful for voices like yours that sound out through the dark of the twilight’s last gleaming. Now we know who moves toward us, and who moves away, when the scary stories come. That is critical information in the days ahead. With love and gratitude sister of the soul. 🙏
I find this post absolutely breathtaking, no exaggeration (Disclosure: you and I have struck up a correspondence since I came across The Sound of Silenced Science but I won’t let that colour my response to your posts.) This is painfully beautiful, more so for me since I am in the UK and some of these insane restriction you cite never surfaced here (well not in my experience, but I don’t get out much.) I had to stop reading and start this comment when I got to the Apollo Theater masking restrictions because it left me cold and staggered. Why would you want to attend art with those strictures? Why would you support art wedded to such tyranny? I have been a theatre practitioner for almost fifty years and this shite runs counter to everything I thought my profession stood for. Most of all it runs counter to love. (Incidentally I have a hit list of musicians I used to love and can’t listen to anymore because they joined the hue and cry. All you need is love? I should coco.) Moreover those strictures and demands reek of stupidity and ignorance. This post is beautifully painful, must have taken a lot of courage to write and is totally, completely necessary. And the writing itself is such a pleasure to devour. And I learnt a new word: mysophobia! Thank you for all of it. Perhaps it’ll go some way to stem the flow of anonymous cattle trucks chuntering through bleak suburbs in the dead of night. What's more, on a personal level, how nice to establish a (yes) friendship without exchanging a spoken word.
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head, really. So many of these autocratic restrictions are antithetical to love. But are made under the guise of "if you love your grandma..." And we in the theatre crowd were such lovers and huggers. It feels like narcissistic abuse.
I love the friendship we've developed. I am a huge fan of your writing. Was just reading your latest post, in fact! Brilliant!
By all means do take a lookey at mah ol' postins'--am sure ya'll find some shared experiences thar! An many thanks!
So my girls are thankfully with me but ain't happy campers--'specially my cancelled younger daughter who was also a performer--the one that got told she wasn't diverse enough etc--what the heck?! My older gal did ballet and piano (canceled from both) but wasn't an on-stage type but she too misses out on all the stuff we SAW all the time, we had friends in shows, friends in bands, I used ta git cheap tix to just about everything (includin' comps an' some broadway stuff...) So we all our out on our proverbial rears...
Yup, it used to be all 'bout ACTING (just actin', right?). Now there's so much "peecee woke-i-fried" dogma boggin' down jus' about everything that it ain't fun any more to be in that environ-mint. I love accents, costumes, cult-u-ral appropriation is my middle name! So it's the mindset an' the exile...deadly combo fer "ahrt" right?
So nice yer ma's with ya an' ya both git along!--peachy that she understands bein' a former showbiz gal herself! (My fambly thinks we'ze all bums fer refusin' jabs and goin' "po!" )
I'm with ye re the co-ed dressin' rooms--heck, my younger daughter an' I've both done shows without ANY dressin' rooms--changed in the wings, in the loo, in a storage room in cases where the venue didn't have dressin' rooms, in a tent, an' more'n a few times I've been one'a two mama bears holdin' up one side've a sheet so the tween girls could be afforded a little privacy. I never thunk twice about the polly-ticks've it--but that's rotten ya got hushed for mention'in the fun've it.
Amusin' tale (tail!), I met one'a my oldest friends (tho he's now cancelled me...) in one'a them co-ed dressin' rooms--I wuz wearin' nuthin' on the bottom but panty hose (cuz undies mean seams or bulges in yer dress...looks bad from stage...) so he met my bent over REAR END as I was steppin' inta my dress (an there wuz no chairs in the dressin' room a' course)--so our mutual friend brought him backstage ta meet me. After meetin' my rump first we became good pals fer over 25 years!
Oh yes, DO pester yer kiddos in a Tennessean accent--it's funny an' they're less likely ta grumble back!!! (I DO this at home too, u betcha!)
Brilliant post! I always wanted to be an actress. My poor husband has suffered through countless replays of 'Chicago', ' 'Mama Mia' movies & 'Moulin Rouge'... My daughter took theater in High School and she's quite good. I guess I'll never make it to a real show since I'm un-poisoned. I digress. I'm glad I found your Substack fellow writer. 💜 Excellent points!
I have nothing to do with the theatre, but I could identity with so much of your story. Same stuff, different place and peeps. Finding a community in Substack has been a salvation. Knowing I am not alone is a priceless gift. Thanks for sharing!
As always, I loved this. I feel for you and I know what it is to not fit in. A lot to unpack but what really, really grabbed my attention was the hypocrisy of the newly woke. I might get into trouble here but I will say it - it has a Protestantism vs Catholicism vibe and it brings to mind the Whiteadder Aunt.
Aunt: `Chair’? You have chairs in your house?
Edmund: Oh, yes.
Aunt: [slaps him twice] Wicked child!!! Chairs are an invention of Satan!
In our house, Nathaniel sits on a spike!
Edmund: …and yourself…?
Aunt: I sit on Nathaniel — two spikes would be an extravagance.
OK, it took me all day to get to it but I finally read it. I'm not in theatre but I relate big time! More soon as I have so many other obligations today. Sending love in the meantime <3
Right back atcha! Thanks for taking the time. 🙏
interesting
Wow. How refreshing. An artist that is aware not woke! I stumbled upon this essay and I'm so pleased I did. I was raised by artists. And although they still love me, they do so at arms length now. My theater/artist family bought into most of what you write about here at the same time that I began to awaken to horror of the reality of what's been happening over the last three years. Thank you for this. You give me hope. Keep up the good work!
Thank you for the kind comment. I’m just as bewildered as you regarding how the artists flipped. Although, the last week or so, I’m starting to see some public pushback. 2023 certainly will be interesting.
I am one of those that do not typical read articles from artists, rather scientists, doctors, technical experts, but your article brings me hope. It is clear that there is no particular background or education that was able to see through the fog of the propaganda from our governments, institutions and media. Have enough people learned from the past three years that what we were told from the authorities is not true, manipulative, disinformation and straight out lies to not fall for it again? I suspect most will not have wised up but we can hope. For three years I have been wondering where are the artists, this group of people that often lead the charge against corrupt governments and corporations. This time the artists were all in supporting these historically untrustworthy entities. It is like they have no recollection of the historical crimes committed by pharmaceutical companies, the lives destroyed and the billions paid in fines to their victims. You are not alone but I also am not a lot of fun to be around. It is hard to push out the thoughts and lessons learned in the past three years, the intent is not to force these on others but help protect them but mostly without success.
I have been gathering a list of artist that were brave enough to see and speak Their truth. Here is one.
https://youtu.be/8Boa6eArNhA
Five Times August inspires me. I know of a handful of artists that speak out. A few have reached through the void in solidarity with some of us stuck in stricter scenarios. I’m in Chicago and there are venues that still “card”. So, I really appreciate this comment. I know we have been missing in action. Well, not all of us, but the general ‘we’, but I still have hope that the creatives will show the normies out of the darkness. 🙏
Here are a few more artists that have seen through the lies.
https://music.apple.com/ca/artist/rc-the-rapper/1569783293
https://music.apple.com/ca/artist/lukas-lion/1581612434
https://music.apple.com/ca/artist/joseph-arthur/3846318
I just got introduced to Lucas Lion’s music today. Wondering where the hell I’ve been listening he last couple of years...
Bravo. this is brilliant. 'Why were you sorting people out into groups again; keeping divides alive like a zombie feeding on superiority hustlers? What better way to show your support of an equitable society than to simply participate in it without thinking you are better or worse than others?' I love this. 'Identifying' with phantom stereotypes and the non existent 'self' is the source of suffering and unhappiness. why are we encouraging children and each other to do it. Unless we want them to suffer?
🐒
Most people don’t know. We don’t look inward enough. We have forgotten. But it’s the time for remembrance, me thinks.
Beautiful, funny, wise and balanced, you. Thank you!
🙏
Had to read this twice. Beautifully written, with deep emotional impact. And as always, the memes are Priceless. As you point out, curses often do end up being blessings in disguise. For me I've found it sometimes takes an effort to discover in what way a particular curse ended up being a blessing in disguise, but no doubt at all that it is worth putting forth that effort. As a reader I get the sense this post took a not insignificant amount of emotional-energy to write... well worth it.
Thanks, Jen. Yes, it was my purge. I had started writing it when I felt the betrayal of a close friend who gate kept me from a paid gig. I spent the last couple of months since incubating my anger and taming the essay down. In a way, I was sort of mad at myself. I felt stupid that I didn't notice how the fakery was all around me, I had condoned it... why didn't I stand up for everything that had bothered me until the covid BS came a-knocking on my door? Maybe if I had started saying things earlier when the woke juice was seeping into the fabric of our tight knit community, then maybe there wouldn't have been such a desire to control the covid mess. I don't know. Hindsight, right? But the oppressors often succeed with the help of the oppressed. And so it was in Chicago and the theatre community. I so very much appreciate the relationships built here. New community, new connections. 🤗
Many years ago, I witnessed John Malkovich storm the Broadway stage as the curtain rose on Burn This. Spit flying, hair flinging, he didn't just deliver the opening monologue; he incinerated it.
You, my new friend and compatriot, have done just the same. With scorching, courageous, take-no-prisoners honesty, you have blown the doors off the hypocritical organization I once loved enough to spend the best part of my life supporting.
Thank you for this blast of fresh air. May its authenticity and truth blow open some minds and hearts.
And THANK YOU for the shout-out to my Stack! (After I offered you my phone number, I had a moment of -- hang on, what did I just do? -- but thank god I followed my instincts. Funny, that's one of the best lessons I ever learned from the theatre.)
I'm so grateful for your voice, Tonika. You continue to inspire me to shout louder and louder, even if the spit starts flying! You're a balm and a blessing, and I'd give you a Tony if I could... xox
Go ahead and give a grown lady goosey bumps. I'd take a Mary over a Tony any day. Thank you, fellow spit flyer. "Your words put me on a plane with Caesar". And the anecdote is perfect. I've seen Malkovich live. He is fierce. May the wisdom of a thousand ghost lights light our way. 🤗
"May the wisdom of a thousand ghost lights light our way." Goose bumps over here, now. :-)
Tonika you speak here for all of us who once found comfort among the weirdos only to find ourselves standing at the end of the outstretching finger of judgement. It’s been a helluva ride. So grateful for voices like yours that sound out through the dark of the twilight’s last gleaming. Now we know who moves toward us, and who moves away, when the scary stories come. That is critical information in the days ahead. With love and gratitude sister of the soul. 🙏
Love and gratitude for you and your kind words, brother. 🙏
I find this post absolutely breathtaking, no exaggeration (Disclosure: you and I have struck up a correspondence since I came across The Sound of Silenced Science but I won’t let that colour my response to your posts.) This is painfully beautiful, more so for me since I am in the UK and some of these insane restriction you cite never surfaced here (well not in my experience, but I don’t get out much.) I had to stop reading and start this comment when I got to the Apollo Theater masking restrictions because it left me cold and staggered. Why would you want to attend art with those strictures? Why would you support art wedded to such tyranny? I have been a theatre practitioner for almost fifty years and this shite runs counter to everything I thought my profession stood for. Most of all it runs counter to love. (Incidentally I have a hit list of musicians I used to love and can’t listen to anymore because they joined the hue and cry. All you need is love? I should coco.) Moreover those strictures and demands reek of stupidity and ignorance. This post is beautifully painful, must have taken a lot of courage to write and is totally, completely necessary. And the writing itself is such a pleasure to devour. And I learnt a new word: mysophobia! Thank you for all of it. Perhaps it’ll go some way to stem the flow of anonymous cattle trucks chuntering through bleak suburbs in the dead of night. What's more, on a personal level, how nice to establish a (yes) friendship without exchanging a spoken word.
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head, really. So many of these autocratic restrictions are antithetical to love. But are made under the guise of "if you love your grandma..." And we in the theatre crowd were such lovers and huggers. It feels like narcissistic abuse.
I love the friendship we've developed. I am a huge fan of your writing. Was just reading your latest post, in fact! Brilliant!
❤️
🔥
By all means do take a lookey at mah ol' postins'--am sure ya'll find some shared experiences thar! An many thanks!
So my girls are thankfully with me but ain't happy campers--'specially my cancelled younger daughter who was also a performer--the one that got told she wasn't diverse enough etc--what the heck?! My older gal did ballet and piano (canceled from both) but wasn't an on-stage type but she too misses out on all the stuff we SAW all the time, we had friends in shows, friends in bands, I used ta git cheap tix to just about everything (includin' comps an' some broadway stuff...) So we all our out on our proverbial rears...
Yup, it used to be all 'bout ACTING (just actin', right?). Now there's so much "peecee woke-i-fried" dogma boggin' down jus' about everything that it ain't fun any more to be in that environ-mint. I love accents, costumes, cult-u-ral appropriation is my middle name! So it's the mindset an' the exile...deadly combo fer "ahrt" right?
So nice yer ma's with ya an' ya both git along!--peachy that she understands bein' a former showbiz gal herself! (My fambly thinks we'ze all bums fer refusin' jabs and goin' "po!" )
I'm with ye re the co-ed dressin' rooms--heck, my younger daughter an' I've both done shows without ANY dressin' rooms--changed in the wings, in the loo, in a storage room in cases where the venue didn't have dressin' rooms, in a tent, an' more'n a few times I've been one'a two mama bears holdin' up one side've a sheet so the tween girls could be afforded a little privacy. I never thunk twice about the polly-ticks've it--but that's rotten ya got hushed for mention'in the fun've it.
Amusin' tale (tail!), I met one'a my oldest friends (tho he's now cancelled me...) in one'a them co-ed dressin' rooms--I wuz wearin' nuthin' on the bottom but panty hose (cuz undies mean seams or bulges in yer dress...looks bad from stage...) so he met my bent over REAR END as I was steppin' inta my dress (an there wuz no chairs in the dressin' room a' course)--so our mutual friend brought him backstage ta meet me. After meetin' my rump first we became good pals fer over 25 years!
Oh yes, DO pester yer kiddos in a Tennessean accent--it's funny an' they're less likely ta grumble back!!! (I DO this at home too, u betcha!)
😂😂😂
Brilliant post! I always wanted to be an actress. My poor husband has suffered through countless replays of 'Chicago', ' 'Mama Mia' movies & 'Moulin Rouge'... My daughter took theater in High School and she's quite good. I guess I'll never make it to a real show since I'm un-poisoned. I digress. I'm glad I found your Substack fellow writer. 💜 Excellent points!
My kids have to suffer through Moulin Rouge annually. 🤷♀️
Glad to have you here, fellow musical theatre lover.
I have nothing to do with the theatre, but I could identity with so much of your story. Same stuff, different place and peeps. Finding a community in Substack has been a salvation. Knowing I am not alone is a priceless gift. Thanks for sharing!
As always, I loved this. I feel for you and I know what it is to not fit in. A lot to unpack but what really, really grabbed my attention was the hypocrisy of the newly woke. I might get into trouble here but I will say it - it has a Protestantism vs Catholicism vibe and it brings to mind the Whiteadder Aunt.
Aunt: `Chair’? You have chairs in your house?
Edmund: Oh, yes.
Aunt: [slaps him twice] Wicked child!!! Chairs are an invention of Satan!
In our house, Nathaniel sits on a spike!
Edmund: …and yourself…?
Aunt: I sit on Nathaniel — two spikes would be an extravagance.
Oh wow, thanks for the gift. Just received. 🙏
You are so welcome and it is a pleasure!
Lol. What is this dialogue from? A show? Who is Whiteadder Aunt? I feel like I should know this.
Thanks for the kind words, cousin. Always love hearing from you.
That's Blackadder. British comedy classics with Rowan Atkinson.
https://blackadderquotes.com/blackadder-series-2-episode-5-beer-full-script
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084988/
I can vouch for Blackadder, being a Brit. Up there with Fawlty yTowers (almost)
Now, Fawlty Towers is a national treasure. Too short lived, IMHO.
but every episode perfectly formed
Ah, ok. I've heard about this show. I just don't get around to watching much fiction.
I would highly recommend it. Also the book. Haven't laughed as hard for years. I fact, I am planning on re-watching it this Christmas.
Will check it out!